This morning I had an appointment with my prosthethis at 8am. I put on my leg at about 7:30am and we left the house to head towards FWB. After being so discouraged over the weekend and perhaps being a little hard on myself, I am so glad that I had an appointment today. When I spoke with Dr. Jack yesterday he was so understanding and encouraging. He truly is a compassionate man and I am so thankful that the Lord once again provided me with a doctor with such expertise!
At the appointment he assured me that I was progressing well and made some adjustments to the brim of my socket. He suggested that I take it a little slower, but also urged me to ensure that I do wear my leg daily. My original plan was to come home and take my leg off, rest up, get it back on and go pick J up from school and take him to a Dr's appointment. I had so many errands to run and also had the chance to catch up with my sweet friend over lunch. It dawned on me on the way back from FWB that if I loosened the strap of velcro that fastens the socket it would relieve the pressure and pain that forces me to take the leg off. Of course, I can only do this while sitting or driving. Which is the perfect time to do so. It enabled me to keep the leg on for 8 1/2 hours!! Of course, the last hour or two I was literally dragging my leg, lol, but I made it through and I don't feel terrible..... yet.... Ok.... well when I got home and took the leg off I pretty much stayed on the couch the rest of the night. It's 10:30pm and I am quite sore. But it is manageable. I don't feel like giving up and I know that tomorrow I will put it back on :)
I start PT tomorrow at 1pm. Please pray for me! I know they are going to work me hard!! I am looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to the challenge, the extra exercise and receiving some training consistently.
I am going to finish a cup of tea and watch Downton Abbey, my new favorite show! Have a great night! I know that I will be resting well indeed!!
Showing posts with label Prosthetic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prosthetic. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Actual Day #4
Since I didn't wear my prosthetic on Saturday or Sunday due to pain, etc. I am not going to be counting them. Therefore, Monday, January 9, would have been day #4.
I was hesitant to put on the leg after all the pain and soreness that plagued me in the previous days, but after much urging and encouragement from my prosthethis I went ahead and put it on around 2pm. I wore the leg until 4pm. I did some light housework while wearing and some work from the computer as well, so it wasn't overly exhausting.
After taking a break for a few hours I put it back on in the evening and was only able to wear it for an hour. I hated to take it off so early, especially after regressing over the weekend, but I had to do what I had to do.
It was a better day all and all. It helped a great deal that I hadn't worn it for two days, so the pain and soreness had subsided.
It is of utmost importance that I wear my leg everyday, even if I can't do it for long, I must just put it on.
I was hesitant to put on the leg after all the pain and soreness that plagued me in the previous days, but after much urging and encouragement from my prosthethis I went ahead and put it on around 2pm. I wore the leg until 4pm. I did some light housework while wearing and some work from the computer as well, so it wasn't overly exhausting.
After taking a break for a few hours I put it back on in the evening and was only able to wear it for an hour. I hated to take it off so early, especially after regressing over the weekend, but I had to do what I had to do.
It was a better day all and all. It helped a great deal that I hadn't worn it for two days, so the pain and soreness had subsided.
It is of utmost importance that I wear my leg everyday, even if I can't do it for long, I must just put it on.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Day #3
Today I am scheduled to wear my leg for a total of four hours. I went ahead and put it on this morning at 10am. It was a bit easier to get on this morning, I guess I am beginning to get the hang of getting into it and it went on fairly quickly. I didn't time it, but I'm thinking that it tool about 5-10 minutes.
I have my first show of the year tonight, so I have a good bit of work to do around the house in order to prepare. That means there was not much time for sitting or taking it easy while wearing the prosthetic. So, I got in the kitchen for a little over an hour and washed the dishes, cleaned up and made brownies. After that I was hurting a good bit so I decided to sit while the brownies were baking and get some work done from my computer. After 1 1/2 hours I was so ready to get it off! The last half hour seemed to barely creep by. Finally I got to take it off at 12!
Have I mentioned how great it feels to take that leg off? Soooooo good!
I was in an awful lot of pain after I took it off, so I thought I would just lay on the couch and rest. There was still so much to get done, but I knew I couldn't go hoppin' around the house right away. I totally fell asleep and woke up at 1:45!! Oops!
Put the leg back on at 2:30.... it's 2:50 now and I want it OFF!!! Going to push through... Gotta run to pick up Jarred from the bus stop, swing by the grocery store, come home and finish making a trifle then pack everything up for my Pampered Chef party tonight. I have to wear the leg until 4:30. I can do this...... Phil 4:13.......
Came home to finish getting ready for the party. So much to do and the leg was hurting and in the way. 4pm: took it off. I'm done.
This is not easy.
I have my first show of the year tonight, so I have a good bit of work to do around the house in order to prepare. That means there was not much time for sitting or taking it easy while wearing the prosthetic. So, I got in the kitchen for a little over an hour and washed the dishes, cleaned up and made brownies. After that I was hurting a good bit so I decided to sit while the brownies were baking and get some work done from my computer. After 1 1/2 hours I was so ready to get it off! The last half hour seemed to barely creep by. Finally I got to take it off at 12!
Have I mentioned how great it feels to take that leg off? Soooooo good!
I was in an awful lot of pain after I took it off, so I thought I would just lay on the couch and rest. There was still so much to get done, but I knew I couldn't go hoppin' around the house right away. I totally fell asleep and woke up at 1:45!! Oops!
Put the leg back on at 2:30.... it's 2:50 now and I want it OFF!!! Going to push through... Gotta run to pick up Jarred from the bus stop, swing by the grocery store, come home and finish making a trifle then pack everything up for my Pampered Chef party tonight. I have to wear the leg until 4:30. I can do this...... Phil 4:13.......
Came home to finish getting ready for the party. So much to do and the leg was hurting and in the way. 4pm: took it off. I'm done.
This is not easy.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day #2
Well, today went much better! I've just resolved to put on the leg and wear it regardless of how I feel about it. Today I wore it for a little over three hours. I was scheduled to wear it fro 1 1/2 hours twice. I didn't have much scheduled to do away from home today. I was supposed to go out to San Destin for our Pampered Chef back to business meeting and my amazing Director graciously offered to come here. That was such a blessing and a relief.
So I put on my leg early this afternoon and wore it for about 1 1/2 hours. I didn't do much. I sat down and did a good bit of work on my computer, fixed myself lunch and then I walked carrying my plate and glass to the living room to eat. I guess that wouldn't sound like much of a big deal to most people, but it was a huge deal to me. I also decided that today I would put the crutches down and just walk around without them. I know that I am bound to fall and am not scared of doing so, I mean it's gonna happen eventually and happen more than once. Well, anyway, it was way easier not to have them to contend with. When it is just me here it is easier to focus so I feel comfortable doing that. When there is a lot more going on then I need to use them for now. Or when I'm out in public. So, after my time was up I took it off and all was fine.
I ended up putting it back on around 5ish and wore it until about 7ish. I cleaned up the house a little, cooked some dinner and just stood up for a while to get used to putting weight on that side. We had dinner and by that time I was more than ready to take it off. I don't feel like I am in an incredible amount of pain today. I mean I'm sore.... really sore.... but it is tolerable at least.
I start physical therapy next week. I don't know yet how often I will go. I am hoping a lot so that I can get this down quickly.
Well, that's today's news. It was a better day. I can feel your prayers. Thank you. I am hoping tomorrow will be even better. I have a PC party tomorrow night, so I guess the question is do I wear it there or not? Probably not. We shall see though :)
So I put on my leg early this afternoon and wore it for about 1 1/2 hours. I didn't do much. I sat down and did a good bit of work on my computer, fixed myself lunch and then I walked carrying my plate and glass to the living room to eat. I guess that wouldn't sound like much of a big deal to most people, but it was a huge deal to me. I also decided that today I would put the crutches down and just walk around without them. I know that I am bound to fall and am not scared of doing so, I mean it's gonna happen eventually and happen more than once. Well, anyway, it was way easier not to have them to contend with. When it is just me here it is easier to focus so I feel comfortable doing that. When there is a lot more going on then I need to use them for now. Or when I'm out in public. So, after my time was up I took it off and all was fine.
I ended up putting it back on around 5ish and wore it until about 7ish. I cleaned up the house a little, cooked some dinner and just stood up for a while to get used to putting weight on that side. We had dinner and by that time I was more than ready to take it off. I don't feel like I am in an incredible amount of pain today. I mean I'm sore.... really sore.... but it is tolerable at least.
I start physical therapy next week. I don't know yet how often I will go. I am hoping a lot so that I can get this down quickly.
Well, that's today's news. It was a better day. I can feel your prayers. Thank you. I am hoping tomorrow will be even better. I have a PC party tomorrow night, so I guess the question is do I wear it there or not? Probably not. We shall see though :)
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Day #1 With My Prosthetic
Since I have been so detailed in sharing my journey this far, I feel it is only right to chronicle this new journey with my prosthetic leg. I will try my best to update you daily for the first couple of weeks to let you know how I am making progress.
I picked up my leg yesterday and was so excited about it. I walked with it for over an hour at the Dr's office. He had given me a schedule for how often I am to wear the leg daily. I had to take it off before I left the office last night and so we threw it in the back seat, went out to celebrate and run some errands then headed home.
Once home, I put on some jeans I picked up at Sams-without even trying on and they fit! And I put the leg on of course. I walked around for a little while and decided I was tired and needed to put it away for the rest of the day. Dr. Jack told me that I would be really sore. That I would be working muscles over the next few weeks that I didn't even know I had. Boy was he right! By the time I got in bed last night I felt like I had had one hard workout.
I am supposed to wear the leg for two hours today, but break it up into one hour increments. Then I increase the time by half an hour everyday. Therefore, tomorrow I will have it on for 1 1/2 hour increments.
When I woke up this morning I was still really sore, so I decided to take it easy and put the leg on later in the day. I took it really easy because I was SO sore. Good grief. Anyway, I got really excited when I laid out clothes to wear. Pants, a pair of socks and a pair of shoes just brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears :)
Then I spent about 15 minutes trying to get A shoe on my left foot. I gave up and went to find another shoe that took about five minutes to put on it. Now, getting this leg on is somewhat similar to wrestling an octopus. I have to put my jeans on the left leg first, pull the leg over to me, try to get my right leg in the pants-making sure to put the right leg in the right pant leg-tricker than it may seem- and then get in the socket and try to pull everything together. I think it took about 30 minutes to do all that. By the time I got it on I was out of breath, uncomfortable and wanted to take it off and throw it down. I'm being honest here. I left it on though and finished getting ready then headed out of the house to pick up Jarred and run errands.
Ok, maybe running errands on day number one was not my best idea. But I promise I really didn't do THAT much. I just picked Jarred up from the bus stop, went to the bank, went to KMart and then stopped by a friends house. I think it was about 3:00pm when I put the leg on and then about 4:40pm when I took it off.... So yeah.... I wore it a little too long. I was in mid-sentence at my friends house when I stopped and said "Ive gotta go home and take this leg off!" I think I did a combination of hopping, dragging and walking to my car. I couldn't get home fast enough. I was ready to get that thing off it hurt so badly. I think part of the problem though is that I am not getting into the socket correctly. I didn't feel like it was fitting correctly or that I was in there all the way.
Now I am laying on my couch typing you lamenting the fact that I have to get up and cook. I really want to go to church tonight as well. I really want to put my leg on and wear it to church. But I really don't want to put my leg on. But I have to.
So yeah.... I know that this is supposed to be big and exciting and all those wonderful things and maybe I feel about an iota of that right now. Mostly though, I feel like that leg is hard to walk with and extremely uncomfortable. I really liked hopping around and have grown accustomed to things the way they are. The ease that I have getting here and there. Now this is just another adjustment. I know that I will get there. It is just not going to be easy. I can all ready see that there's going to be a lot of hard work, tears and determination in my future.
I'm hoping that before long this will become second nature to me. Today though, I really don't like that leg.
I picked up my leg yesterday and was so excited about it. I walked with it for over an hour at the Dr's office. He had given me a schedule for how often I am to wear the leg daily. I had to take it off before I left the office last night and so we threw it in the back seat, went out to celebrate and run some errands then headed home.
Once home, I put on some jeans I picked up at Sams-without even trying on and they fit! And I put the leg on of course. I walked around for a little while and decided I was tired and needed to put it away for the rest of the day. Dr. Jack told me that I would be really sore. That I would be working muscles over the next few weeks that I didn't even know I had. Boy was he right! By the time I got in bed last night I felt like I had had one hard workout.
I am supposed to wear the leg for two hours today, but break it up into one hour increments. Then I increase the time by half an hour everyday. Therefore, tomorrow I will have it on for 1 1/2 hour increments.
When I woke up this morning I was still really sore, so I decided to take it easy and put the leg on later in the day. I took it really easy because I was SO sore. Good grief. Anyway, I got really excited when I laid out clothes to wear. Pants, a pair of socks and a pair of shoes just brought tears to my eyes. Happy tears :)
Then I spent about 15 minutes trying to get A shoe on my left foot. I gave up and went to find another shoe that took about five minutes to put on it. Now, getting this leg on is somewhat similar to wrestling an octopus. I have to put my jeans on the left leg first, pull the leg over to me, try to get my right leg in the pants-making sure to put the right leg in the right pant leg-tricker than it may seem- and then get in the socket and try to pull everything together. I think it took about 30 minutes to do all that. By the time I got it on I was out of breath, uncomfortable and wanted to take it off and throw it down. I'm being honest here. I left it on though and finished getting ready then headed out of the house to pick up Jarred and run errands.
Ok, maybe running errands on day number one was not my best idea. But I promise I really didn't do THAT much. I just picked Jarred up from the bus stop, went to the bank, went to KMart and then stopped by a friends house. I think it was about 3:00pm when I put the leg on and then about 4:40pm when I took it off.... So yeah.... I wore it a little too long. I was in mid-sentence at my friends house when I stopped and said "Ive gotta go home and take this leg off!" I think I did a combination of hopping, dragging and walking to my car. I couldn't get home fast enough. I was ready to get that thing off it hurt so badly. I think part of the problem though is that I am not getting into the socket correctly. I didn't feel like it was fitting correctly or that I was in there all the way.
Now I am laying on my couch typing you lamenting the fact that I have to get up and cook. I really want to go to church tonight as well. I really want to put my leg on and wear it to church. But I really don't want to put my leg on. But I have to.
So yeah.... I know that this is supposed to be big and exciting and all those wonderful things and maybe I feel about an iota of that right now. Mostly though, I feel like that leg is hard to walk with and extremely uncomfortable. I really liked hopping around and have grown accustomed to things the way they are. The ease that I have getting here and there. Now this is just another adjustment. I know that I will get there. It is just not going to be easy. I can all ready see that there's going to be a lot of hard work, tears and determination in my future.
I'm hoping that before long this will become second nature to me. Today though, I really don't like that leg.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
The Small Leopard Print Things In Life
For those of you that are wondering, I had my second fitting today. It did not go very well. The company it was shipped to that is supposed to be "specialists" in this very area (specific to my very type of socket) must have changed the mold a great deal and messed it up quite a bit. It was extremely uncomfortable. I couldn't take a single step with this one. So painful in fact that I nearly passed out at one point and had to sit down for a while. This one should have been 10x's better than the last one, mind you. Dr. Jack was extremely disappointed and upset over this. He has decided to do all of the work at his office locally from here on out to ensure the highest quality. I have another appt. on Tuesday of next week and I will try out another test socket.
This is delaying me bringing my leg home a great deal. We are leaving for Disney on the 20th and I was really hoping to have it by then. I had hoped that I would have been able to practice with it, so that at Disney I would be well accustomed to it and would be walking unassisted.
I'm not upset or disappointed, surprisingly. I have peace about all of this. It's strange, actually, because I wasn't even excited about going today. I felt very hesitant about the whole process. I think that the Lord had given the grace already, Him knowing that I would be further away from my anticipated goal of bringing it home. So, I did not at all feel as if my hopes had been dashed. Of course, I would love to be that much closer to having that leg, but I have a surreal peace. I know that I have been through so much already that getting this leg is going to be great, but honestly, I'm fine without it too. It will happen in His timing. I am just grateful to be OK with being on His timetable and that He is giving me grace that is all sufficient.
On a happier note, I bought some shoes this past weekend for the first time in several years. I bought the cutest leopard print ballerina flats. I knew that I needed to bring a pair of shoes today, left one included. I don't wear tennis shoes much, only at the gym really. So the logical thing for the Dr may be for me to bring good shoes, like tennis shoes for instance, but to me that just isn't logical because I never wear them. So, I brought my cute new leopard print shoes, because well, that is the kind of thing I'll be wearing. Plus, my Barbie leg deserves to have some sassy shoes ;) I think my Dr. got quite a kick out of this. And I got so much joy looking down at my TWO matching shoes on my TWO feet. :) That was enough for me today. Knowing that I will have TWO matching shoes to wear in the future. And super-cute shoes at that ;) Sometime it's the small leopard print things in life that make you happy :)
This is delaying me bringing my leg home a great deal. We are leaving for Disney on the 20th and I was really hoping to have it by then. I had hoped that I would have been able to practice with it, so that at Disney I would be well accustomed to it and would be walking unassisted.
I'm not upset or disappointed, surprisingly. I have peace about all of this. It's strange, actually, because I wasn't even excited about going today. I felt very hesitant about the whole process. I think that the Lord had given the grace already, Him knowing that I would be further away from my anticipated goal of bringing it home. So, I did not at all feel as if my hopes had been dashed. Of course, I would love to be that much closer to having that leg, but I have a surreal peace. I know that I have been through so much already that getting this leg is going to be great, but honestly, I'm fine without it too. It will happen in His timing. I am just grateful to be OK with being on His timetable and that He is giving me grace that is all sufficient.
On a happier note, I bought some shoes this past weekend for the first time in several years. I bought the cutest leopard print ballerina flats. I knew that I needed to bring a pair of shoes today, left one included. I don't wear tennis shoes much, only at the gym really. So the logical thing for the Dr may be for me to bring good shoes, like tennis shoes for instance, but to me that just isn't logical because I never wear them. So, I brought my cute new leopard print shoes, because well, that is the kind of thing I'll be wearing. Plus, my Barbie leg deserves to have some sassy shoes ;) I think my Dr. got quite a kick out of this. And I got so much joy looking down at my TWO matching shoes on my TWO feet. :) That was enough for me today. Knowing that I will have TWO matching shoes to wear in the future. And super-cute shoes at that ;) Sometime it's the small leopard print things in life that make you happy :)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
A Miracle, Step by Step
I've wanted to sit down and write this blog for days. Yet, I feel as if I cannot adequately express with written words the miracle that I experienced. I will make an attempt to do so though.
On November 2, 2011, I had my first big appointment with the prosthetic doctor, Dr. Jack, at Hanger Prosthetics and Orthotics in Ft. Walton Beach. I knew going into the appointment that a specialist would be coming in to assist in the casting process and that I would get to put on a make-shift leg and possibly even try to take a few steps.
My Grandma came over from Panama City to be with me for this appointment. She has been with me through every trial and valley in my life. Especially in the last year and a half. When I found out that this was going to be an all day appointment and all that would take place during it, I knew right away that I wanted her here with me. She had been with me through the worst appointments and I wanted her to be here for one of the best ones yet. She came over Wednesday morning and stayed until Saturday.
When we got there Dr. Jack sat down with us to talk for a few minutes and told me that the specialist would be assisting and that another prostheses had come over from Pensacola. There was also an intern there. So I had three doctors and an intern working on me and assisting in the process of casting me. Dr. Jack informed me that the casting process was extremely intense and asked if I was up for that and ready. He said that it was going to be uncomfortable and possibly a bit painful and I would most likely be sore for a few days. Knowing that this was the means to me walking again, I didn't care much what they had to put me through and I figured it couldn't be that bad, right?
The casting process was so much more interesting than I thought that it would be. I have never had a cast before, so I really didn't know what to expect. Dr. Jack had these little "thermals" that he had altered for me to put on. They looked like thermal capris with only one leg. He did such a great job altering the other side that I asked if I could bring him some more pants!! So I put those on over my panties and I had a tank top on. The first step was to duct tape me, well Gorilla Tape to be exact. We joked about the scientific method in which they used! This had to be done extremely tightly. So tight in fact that I was standing holding onto two rails while the three male doctors tugged, pulled and wrapped me in Gorilla Tape as they were dripping with sweat. This was by far the worst part!
Let me back up a little bit to clarify a few things. When I had my amputation they had to cut my pelvis to the left and right of my hip socket and they basically just took everything out. So, if you can imagine that, it looks kind of like there was just never a leg there. Imagine taking a Barbie and snapping her left leg off. You would be left with nothing but the torso on that side. That is what I look like. Ha, Maybe not so much the Barbie body, but I like that visual, so yeah, let's go with that! So, I do not have a "stump." That is why this whole casting and prostheses process is so very involved and much more difficult than the average amputee that is left with a residual stump. That is also why a specialist had to come in. This is an uncommon procedure. So, the casting process involved them casting my entire pelvis. The "socket" which is the part of the prosthetic that attaches to my pelvis, similar to a brace that just wraps around my pelvis, is the most difficult part to build and has to be formed to my exact body. The tighter and better it fits, the more success I will have in using the prosthetic. This brings us back to the reason why it was so important that I be at a stable weight. If I gain or lose after the socket is made it will not fit properly and will have to be remade. Which is the reason I waited to lose some weight before I began this process. As of this week I have lost a total of 25lbs since July 7th.
Ok, so back to the actual casting process. The three male doctors were circled around me wrapping me as tight as humanly possible. I joked with them and asked them if this was going to be similar to a weight-loss wrap! HA! I was holding on and trying to keep myself from toppling over while they were tugging, pulling and taping my entire pelvis. It reminded me of that scene in Gone With The Wind where Mammy is tightening the strings on Scarlett's corset and Scarlett is demanding that Mammy do it tighter in order to get her waist to the 16" pre-baby size! Yes, I did ask if they would measure my waist while they had me all taped up!!! Needless to say, we were cracking up the whole time.
So yeah, when they said that this was intense, they were not kidding. Once they were done with the taping they asked me to put on another one of the "thermal capris" so that they could begin the actual casting. I had to wobble over to a chair and try to sit down and get those things on. That was NOT easy! Thankfully the Dr.'s held me up so I didn't fall over and helped me get them on. They asked if I needed to take a break and sit down for a few minutes, but I was so excited that I just wanted to keep going.
At this point they began putting the cast on. After about two minutes I thought for sure I would pass out. I became incredibly faint and dizzy. I didn't want to say anything though because I was afraid they would stop. So, I just had to grin and bare it! Honestly though, no matter how uncomfortable it was or no matter how painful it was, I just kept thinking about walking and what this actual process meant. You might be wondering why it was uncomfortable or how it felt. The best that I can describe the feeling of having my pelvis cast is to liken it unto being trapped between boulders. It just felt like my entire pelvis was crushed between large rocks. I remember thinking that if wearing a prosthetic felt anything like that I couldn't see myself wanting to wear it. I just thought I'd be more than fine hopping in comfort the rest of my life!
After the cast was put on and dry they made some measurements, marking them with a Sharpie. Once the markings were made they were able to cut the cast off. The cast is now an exact replica of my pelvis. Then came the greatest part of casting, cutting off all that tape! WOW, what relief. When they cut through it and it finally came off I thought for sure I would slink to the ground from relief!
At this point they took the cast of my pelvis in the back to do some work on it. They told us that we could take an hour for lunch. The doctors had the hopes that when I returned I would be able to take a few steps with the rough prototype of a prosthetic they made me.
Grandma and I went out to lunch and as we were leaving I decided to swing by Jarred's school and pick him up. I knew that he would want to be there when I took my first steps. After all, what big steps those were going to be!
Everything thus far has been fact. It's easy to write facts. Usually I don't struggle with chronicling my feelings either. This though, goes beyond the realm of feelings and emotions into the realm of the miraculous. How do I adequately detail a miracle? How do my mere little words give justice to the miracle that Jesus wrought this day? This is why I have struggled to sit down and write this post.
I've been through so much in my life. So much in the last two years. So much heartache and so much pain. But there has also been immeasurable beauty. Beauty that transcends all understanding. November 2 was one of those days for me.
When I came back to the Dr's office with Jarred and my Grandma in tow we quickly settled in and waited. Not knowing what exactly to expect. As I said, before we left for lunch the Dr's expressed that their goal was for me to take a few steps this day. Now friends, I haven't walked on two legs since about November of 2009. It's been longer that I was able to walk unassisted. I have been told that learning to walk again is a difficult, trying, frustrating and long process. I came into the appointment fully expecting this to be difficult. Expecting that it would be months before I would actually walk. Yet still excited to put that leg on and try. Hopeful. Eager. Anxious. Unsure. All words that could describe the many emotions swirling through my heart and head.
They brought the make-shift, rough prototype of a socket back out and and this time it had the leg attached to it. I got up on a platform that has long parallel bars to hold onto for assistance in walking and stability. I sat down and undressed then they helped me get into the leg. I was so unsure of what to actually do. Because of the fact that I have no stump, everything I do to move the leg stems from movement in my pelvis/core. I lifted up the leg and said "wow, it's really heavy!" They said that it would take a while to adjust to that. That I need to keep in mind I've had nothing there for about 1 1/2 years, so it will take time for my mind to retrain itself to weight being on that side again. They briefly instructed me as to how to use it. Then I grabbed onto the parallel bars and started walking. WALKING! Everything just faded away around me. It was just me and God there on that platform walking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I walked like that for about 20 minutes. Getting a feel for the leg, placement of my foot, how the knee bends and how the hip & knee joints work. Once the leg was on and I was walking I felt no discomfort at all. Praise the Lord!
I didn't know anything different than this. All I knew coming into this situation is that I was going to try to walk that day. That is all there was to it for me. The doctors were astounded. Beside themselves with sheer joy and excitement. I didn't realize it was such a big deal because I had nothing to measure that experience against. They told me that 99% of amputees can not just put on a leg and start walking. That it just doesn't happen. They got out a video camera after about 10 minutes and asked if I minded if they recorded my progress. They said they had never seen anything like this and they probably would not again. My doctor has been in this business for over 20 years mind you.
Overwhelmed is an understatement. Tears were just rolling down my face. I couldn't believe I was WALKING and that it was so easy. After about 20 minutes I decided to let go of the parallel bars and walk without assistance. I did. I walked without assistance at all. The doctors absolutely couldn't believe it. They said that it was a miracle. It required A LOT of concentration on my part. But I did it. God did it. We did it. My doctors said that it generally takes about three months for a person to do what I did in 30 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I told them that my God is really big.
This really doesn't accurately portray the miracle that we all witnessed. I wish that I could better detail it for you. The emotions are still really fresh for me and I don't know how to relate them any better. I've wanted to give y'all an update, so for the sake of time this is it. They took the leg off after about 30 minutes so that it could be shipped to the facility where they will make my socket and build my actual leg. I go back on on 11/16 for the second fitting. Two weeks after that I'll be able to WALK home!
We were all overwhelmed I think. Jarred and I kept looking at one another and smiling, but he wasn't forthcoming with his feelings. He thought that it was really cool and I could tell he was happy, but again, he didn't say much. At church that night I gave a testimony to all that had taken place that day. All during the church service I would catch him looking at me and smiling. He would grab my hand and squeeze it. I could tell that his heart was overflowing as well.
Later that night Grandma and I were talking and I told her that even if I never had the opportunity to get a prosthetic that I am happy. That I could hop on the rest of my life and not feel as if I am missing out on anything. I told her how thankful I am to have been given this journey. That I know that this was God's plan for me and that I find great comfort in that. I trust Him with my heart, my appendages and my life. He can do with it as He wishes. I told her that this has changed my very soul. It has forever changed my heart, perspective and mind for the better. Then Grandma brought up a very good point, she said to me "Jill, it's just like in the bible when Jesus healed Lazarus, the leapers and the lame. Mary and many others. He has healed you just like He healed them. Imagine how that must have changed their lives. Imagine how they, too, were changed because of Jesus' touch on their lives." Tears just welled up in my eyes and my heart overflowed with gratitude, love and joy at this realization. That YES, my story, my journey is just like one of those bible stories. That our Jesus, our God, is still at work today performing miracles just as much as He was in bible times.
I'm so thankful that He allowed me to experience this journey. To see and feel His touch in my life. I truly wouldn't trade it for anything. I mean that from the depths of my heart.
Friends, I hope that you realize that it doesn't take cancer or something big for Jesus to work a miracle in your lives. He is doing it every day in so many different ways. Look for it. Look for the beauty of the miracles that he is bringing to fruition in your life and those around you.
I could die happy right now. I have all I ever need. I've found my fullness in Christ.
Ephesians 3:20 "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us"
On November 2, 2011, I had my first big appointment with the prosthetic doctor, Dr. Jack, at Hanger Prosthetics and Orthotics in Ft. Walton Beach. I knew going into the appointment that a specialist would be coming in to assist in the casting process and that I would get to put on a make-shift leg and possibly even try to take a few steps.
My Grandma came over from Panama City to be with me for this appointment. She has been with me through every trial and valley in my life. Especially in the last year and a half. When I found out that this was going to be an all day appointment and all that would take place during it, I knew right away that I wanted her here with me. She had been with me through the worst appointments and I wanted her to be here for one of the best ones yet. She came over Wednesday morning and stayed until Saturday.
When we got there Dr. Jack sat down with us to talk for a few minutes and told me that the specialist would be assisting and that another prostheses had come over from Pensacola. There was also an intern there. So I had three doctors and an intern working on me and assisting in the process of casting me. Dr. Jack informed me that the casting process was extremely intense and asked if I was up for that and ready. He said that it was going to be uncomfortable and possibly a bit painful and I would most likely be sore for a few days. Knowing that this was the means to me walking again, I didn't care much what they had to put me through and I figured it couldn't be that bad, right?
The casting process was so much more interesting than I thought that it would be. I have never had a cast before, so I really didn't know what to expect. Dr. Jack had these little "thermals" that he had altered for me to put on. They looked like thermal capris with only one leg. He did such a great job altering the other side that I asked if I could bring him some more pants!! So I put those on over my panties and I had a tank top on. The first step was to duct tape me, well Gorilla Tape to be exact. We joked about the scientific method in which they used! This had to be done extremely tightly. So tight in fact that I was standing holding onto two rails while the three male doctors tugged, pulled and wrapped me in Gorilla Tape as they were dripping with sweat. This was by far the worst part!
Let me back up a little bit to clarify a few things. When I had my amputation they had to cut my pelvis to the left and right of my hip socket and they basically just took everything out. So, if you can imagine that, it looks kind of like there was just never a leg there. Imagine taking a Barbie and snapping her left leg off. You would be left with nothing but the torso on that side. That is what I look like. Ha, Maybe not so much the Barbie body, but I like that visual, so yeah, let's go with that! So, I do not have a "stump." That is why this whole casting and prostheses process is so very involved and much more difficult than the average amputee that is left with a residual stump. That is also why a specialist had to come in. This is an uncommon procedure. So, the casting process involved them casting my entire pelvis. The "socket" which is the part of the prosthetic that attaches to my pelvis, similar to a brace that just wraps around my pelvis, is the most difficult part to build and has to be formed to my exact body. The tighter and better it fits, the more success I will have in using the prosthetic. This brings us back to the reason why it was so important that I be at a stable weight. If I gain or lose after the socket is made it will not fit properly and will have to be remade. Which is the reason I waited to lose some weight before I began this process. As of this week I have lost a total of 25lbs since July 7th.
Ok, so back to the actual casting process. The three male doctors were circled around me wrapping me as tight as humanly possible. I joked with them and asked them if this was going to be similar to a weight-loss wrap! HA! I was holding on and trying to keep myself from toppling over while they were tugging, pulling and taping my entire pelvis. It reminded me of that scene in Gone With The Wind where Mammy is tightening the strings on Scarlett's corset and Scarlett is demanding that Mammy do it tighter in order to get her waist to the 16" pre-baby size! Yes, I did ask if they would measure my waist while they had me all taped up!!! Needless to say, we were cracking up the whole time.
So yeah, when they said that this was intense, they were not kidding. Once they were done with the taping they asked me to put on another one of the "thermal capris" so that they could begin the actual casting. I had to wobble over to a chair and try to sit down and get those things on. That was NOT easy! Thankfully the Dr.'s held me up so I didn't fall over and helped me get them on. They asked if I needed to take a break and sit down for a few minutes, but I was so excited that I just wanted to keep going.
At this point they began putting the cast on. After about two minutes I thought for sure I would pass out. I became incredibly faint and dizzy. I didn't want to say anything though because I was afraid they would stop. So, I just had to grin and bare it! Honestly though, no matter how uncomfortable it was or no matter how painful it was, I just kept thinking about walking and what this actual process meant. You might be wondering why it was uncomfortable or how it felt. The best that I can describe the feeling of having my pelvis cast is to liken it unto being trapped between boulders. It just felt like my entire pelvis was crushed between large rocks. I remember thinking that if wearing a prosthetic felt anything like that I couldn't see myself wanting to wear it. I just thought I'd be more than fine hopping in comfort the rest of my life!
After the cast was put on and dry they made some measurements, marking them with a Sharpie. Once the markings were made they were able to cut the cast off. The cast is now an exact replica of my pelvis. Then came the greatest part of casting, cutting off all that tape! WOW, what relief. When they cut through it and it finally came off I thought for sure I would slink to the ground from relief!
At this point they took the cast of my pelvis in the back to do some work on it. They told us that we could take an hour for lunch. The doctors had the hopes that when I returned I would be able to take a few steps with the rough prototype of a prosthetic they made me.
Grandma and I went out to lunch and as we were leaving I decided to swing by Jarred's school and pick him up. I knew that he would want to be there when I took my first steps. After all, what big steps those were going to be!
Everything thus far has been fact. It's easy to write facts. Usually I don't struggle with chronicling my feelings either. This though, goes beyond the realm of feelings and emotions into the realm of the miraculous. How do I adequately detail a miracle? How do my mere little words give justice to the miracle that Jesus wrought this day? This is why I have struggled to sit down and write this post.
I've been through so much in my life. So much in the last two years. So much heartache and so much pain. But there has also been immeasurable beauty. Beauty that transcends all understanding. November 2 was one of those days for me.
When I came back to the Dr's office with Jarred and my Grandma in tow we quickly settled in and waited. Not knowing what exactly to expect. As I said, before we left for lunch the Dr's expressed that their goal was for me to take a few steps this day. Now friends, I haven't walked on two legs since about November of 2009. It's been longer that I was able to walk unassisted. I have been told that learning to walk again is a difficult, trying, frustrating and long process. I came into the appointment fully expecting this to be difficult. Expecting that it would be months before I would actually walk. Yet still excited to put that leg on and try. Hopeful. Eager. Anxious. Unsure. All words that could describe the many emotions swirling through my heart and head.
They brought the make-shift, rough prototype of a socket back out and and this time it had the leg attached to it. I got up on a platform that has long parallel bars to hold onto for assistance in walking and stability. I sat down and undressed then they helped me get into the leg. I was so unsure of what to actually do. Because of the fact that I have no stump, everything I do to move the leg stems from movement in my pelvis/core. I lifted up the leg and said "wow, it's really heavy!" They said that it would take a while to adjust to that. That I need to keep in mind I've had nothing there for about 1 1/2 years, so it will take time for my mind to retrain itself to weight being on that side again. They briefly instructed me as to how to use it. Then I grabbed onto the parallel bars and started walking. WALKING! Everything just faded away around me. It was just me and God there on that platform walking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. I walked like that for about 20 minutes. Getting a feel for the leg, placement of my foot, how the knee bends and how the hip & knee joints work. Once the leg was on and I was walking I felt no discomfort at all. Praise the Lord!
I didn't know anything different than this. All I knew coming into this situation is that I was going to try to walk that day. That is all there was to it for me. The doctors were astounded. Beside themselves with sheer joy and excitement. I didn't realize it was such a big deal because I had nothing to measure that experience against. They told me that 99% of amputees can not just put on a leg and start walking. That it just doesn't happen. They got out a video camera after about 10 minutes and asked if I minded if they recorded my progress. They said they had never seen anything like this and they probably would not again. My doctor has been in this business for over 20 years mind you.
Overwhelmed is an understatement. Tears were just rolling down my face. I couldn't believe I was WALKING and that it was so easy. After about 20 minutes I decided to let go of the parallel bars and walk without assistance. I did. I walked without assistance at all. The doctors absolutely couldn't believe it. They said that it was a miracle. It required A LOT of concentration on my part. But I did it. God did it. We did it. My doctors said that it generally takes about three months for a person to do what I did in 30 minutes. I couldn't believe it. I told them that my God is really big.
This really doesn't accurately portray the miracle that we all witnessed. I wish that I could better detail it for you. The emotions are still really fresh for me and I don't know how to relate them any better. I've wanted to give y'all an update, so for the sake of time this is it. They took the leg off after about 30 minutes so that it could be shipped to the facility where they will make my socket and build my actual leg. I go back on on 11/16 for the second fitting. Two weeks after that I'll be able to WALK home!
We were all overwhelmed I think. Jarred and I kept looking at one another and smiling, but he wasn't forthcoming with his feelings. He thought that it was really cool and I could tell he was happy, but again, he didn't say much. At church that night I gave a testimony to all that had taken place that day. All during the church service I would catch him looking at me and smiling. He would grab my hand and squeeze it. I could tell that his heart was overflowing as well.
Later that night Grandma and I were talking and I told her that even if I never had the opportunity to get a prosthetic that I am happy. That I could hop on the rest of my life and not feel as if I am missing out on anything. I told her how thankful I am to have been given this journey. That I know that this was God's plan for me and that I find great comfort in that. I trust Him with my heart, my appendages and my life. He can do with it as He wishes. I told her that this has changed my very soul. It has forever changed my heart, perspective and mind for the better. Then Grandma brought up a very good point, she said to me "Jill, it's just like in the bible when Jesus healed Lazarus, the leapers and the lame. Mary and many others. He has healed you just like He healed them. Imagine how that must have changed their lives. Imagine how they, too, were changed because of Jesus' touch on their lives." Tears just welled up in my eyes and my heart overflowed with gratitude, love and joy at this realization. That YES, my story, my journey is just like one of those bible stories. That our Jesus, our God, is still at work today performing miracles just as much as He was in bible times.
I'm so thankful that He allowed me to experience this journey. To see and feel His touch in my life. I truly wouldn't trade it for anything. I mean that from the depths of my heart.
Friends, I hope that you realize that it doesn't take cancer or something big for Jesus to work a miracle in your lives. He is doing it every day in so many different ways. Look for it. Look for the beauty of the miracles that he is bringing to fruition in your life and those around you.
I could die happy right now. I have all I ever need. I've found my fullness in Christ.
Ephesians 3:20 "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us"
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Two Legs: One Crafted By The Creator. One Crafted By Man. Both A Gift & A Blessing From My Heavenly Father
First there were two, then there was one and now there shall be two again! Legs that is! There shall be two legs again!! And this new leg will be a high-tech, extremely durable, cancer-resistant, barbie leg! Oh, did I mention that it won't have any cellulite and my thigh will ALWAYS stay the same size. And oh yeah, I'll have two legs again. Did I mention that? Walking, jogging, running skipping, dancing.
Ok, seriously, I love my one leg. I love hopping and don't feel limited in the slightest. I'm happy just the way I am. After all, this is how the Lord intended me to be. A one-legged, pirate hoppin' Momma! I'm A-O.K. with that.
What an age we live in though that not only was the cancer able to be detected before my very life succumbed to it, but they were able to remove that part of my body that was infected and I healed from it. Yes, I healed. Actually, the Lord healed me. Mind, body, spirit and soul. And now, that amazingly wonderful technology that the Lord blessed the minds of men with to save my life will go one step further and enable me to walk again. On my own TWO legs. And yes, I will consider this prosthetic MY leg. My perfect, lovely, God-sent leg. Made especially for me. My "natural" (if you will) left leg was crafted by the great Creator while I was still in my Mother's womb. He knew then that I would lose it. That some of those cells would go astray and that they would cause the loss of that very limb. Why? We shall never know and honestly I don't care to. It's not for me to ask. I trust my Maker and what He is doing with my life and my limbs. This new leg my Creator has also designed for me. He has put the very intelligence into the mind of man that will lend itself to the building of my new leg. What a gift my legs have been!
Today I met with Dr. Jack (My Prosthetic Dr.) to begin the process. He was very pleased with the amount of weight I have lost, 20 pounds to date-8 more to go- and the amount of physical exercise I have been doing! He said not to stress or concern myself anymore with losing weight, that it will come off quickly once I get my prosthetic and start using it. Today he took several measurements. We talked in great detail about the process. There was A LOT of information to absorb! He showed me what my knee & foot will look like. They are SO cool. I will have a Triton foot and a Total Knee that is Polycentric, sliding & gliding. The technologies behind these two components are amazing! I simply can't wait to get that leg and start walking with it!! I go back on November 2 which is next Wednesday. 1 WEEK! I will spend the whole day there getting measured, cast, fitted, remeasured and so forth. They will basically make a temporary socket & leg mold to work from in order to build the actual prosthetic. The specialist will be flying in on this day to assist in all of this. I am told that he is the best of the best. I will not leave with a leg that day. It will take them about one week to build my leg. I should have it around about November 9th. I haven't been given a firm delivery date, but it should be around that time frame. They build it right there in Ft. Walton at Hanger Prosthetics & Orthotics. I am so incredibly blessed to have an amazing Dr so close to home.
Once I receive my leg the hard work begins. Learning to walk again. I know that it is going to be difficult and at times downright frustrating, but I am so up for the challenge that I can't even explain how little the process intimidates me! I'm not concerned at all. My goal is to be walking at Disney World when we go for Christmas. I know that having that goal in sight will push me! A friend of mine said something this weekend that helped me to once again put everything into perspective and take such joy in learning to do things again. He said "It's like you get to do everything for the first time!" I thought, Yeah! I do, how awesome is that. How often do we lose our ability to be in wonder, awe and marvel at the small things we do that we have taken for granted? Every small thing that I can do is just a testimony to how amazing my God is to perform this miracle in my life - in case you ever wondered, YES! He is still performing miracles daily!!
Small things that I have gotten to do lately:
Cook for hours on end
Start my own business
Clean my entire house (and I mean DEEP clean) by myself!
Going to the gym
Swinging on a swing
Going through a corn maze
Goals that I have for the future:
Learn how to ride a bike
Start running/jogging
Go rock climbing
Go hiking
I know that I can do all things through Christ. I have set my mind to never allow myself to be limited. I praise the Lord for pushing me out of the fear of what I may not be able to do into the confidence of knowing that I can do all things through Him!
I will keep you posted on my progress. Thank you all for your prayer! Much love & abundant blessing to you!!
Ok, seriously, I love my one leg. I love hopping and don't feel limited in the slightest. I'm happy just the way I am. After all, this is how the Lord intended me to be. A one-legged, pirate hoppin' Momma! I'm A-O.K. with that.
What an age we live in though that not only was the cancer able to be detected before my very life succumbed to it, but they were able to remove that part of my body that was infected and I healed from it. Yes, I healed. Actually, the Lord healed me. Mind, body, spirit and soul. And now, that amazingly wonderful technology that the Lord blessed the minds of men with to save my life will go one step further and enable me to walk again. On my own TWO legs. And yes, I will consider this prosthetic MY leg. My perfect, lovely, God-sent leg. Made especially for me. My "natural" (if you will) left leg was crafted by the great Creator while I was still in my Mother's womb. He knew then that I would lose it. That some of those cells would go astray and that they would cause the loss of that very limb. Why? We shall never know and honestly I don't care to. It's not for me to ask. I trust my Maker and what He is doing with my life and my limbs. This new leg my Creator has also designed for me. He has put the very intelligence into the mind of man that will lend itself to the building of my new leg. What a gift my legs have been!
Today I met with Dr. Jack (My Prosthetic Dr.) to begin the process. He was very pleased with the amount of weight I have lost, 20 pounds to date-8 more to go- and the amount of physical exercise I have been doing! He said not to stress or concern myself anymore with losing weight, that it will come off quickly once I get my prosthetic and start using it. Today he took several measurements. We talked in great detail about the process. There was A LOT of information to absorb! He showed me what my knee & foot will look like. They are SO cool. I will have a Triton foot and a Total Knee that is Polycentric, sliding & gliding. The technologies behind these two components are amazing! I simply can't wait to get that leg and start walking with it!! I go back on November 2 which is next Wednesday. 1 WEEK! I will spend the whole day there getting measured, cast, fitted, remeasured and so forth. They will basically make a temporary socket & leg mold to work from in order to build the actual prosthetic. The specialist will be flying in on this day to assist in all of this. I am told that he is the best of the best. I will not leave with a leg that day. It will take them about one week to build my leg. I should have it around about November 9th. I haven't been given a firm delivery date, but it should be around that time frame. They build it right there in Ft. Walton at Hanger Prosthetics & Orthotics. I am so incredibly blessed to have an amazing Dr so close to home.
Once I receive my leg the hard work begins. Learning to walk again. I know that it is going to be difficult and at times downright frustrating, but I am so up for the challenge that I can't even explain how little the process intimidates me! I'm not concerned at all. My goal is to be walking at Disney World when we go for Christmas. I know that having that goal in sight will push me! A friend of mine said something this weekend that helped me to once again put everything into perspective and take such joy in learning to do things again. He said "It's like you get to do everything for the first time!" I thought, Yeah! I do, how awesome is that. How often do we lose our ability to be in wonder, awe and marvel at the small things we do that we have taken for granted? Every small thing that I can do is just a testimony to how amazing my God is to perform this miracle in my life - in case you ever wondered, YES! He is still performing miracles daily!!
Small things that I have gotten to do lately:
Cook for hours on end
Start my own business
Clean my entire house (and I mean DEEP clean) by myself!
Going to the gym
Swinging on a swing
Going through a corn maze
Goals that I have for the future:
Learn how to ride a bike
Start running/jogging
Go rock climbing
Go hiking
I know that I can do all things through Christ. I have set my mind to never allow myself to be limited. I praise the Lord for pushing me out of the fear of what I may not be able to do into the confidence of knowing that I can do all things through Him!
I will keep you posted on my progress. Thank you all for your prayer! Much love & abundant blessing to you!!
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